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This World Kindness Day (Wednesday 13th November 2024) we have asked our inspiring charity partners CoppaFeel! and The Eve Appeal for their top advice and tips on how you can support a loved one living with either breast or a gynaecological cancer.
Having cancer can impact on the different roles the person has – being a partner, an employee, a parent, a carer for older relatives, a friend. It might make it harder to keep up with all the responsibilities that come with these roles. The most important thing is to talk to the person about what support they need. Don’t make assumptions! What someone living with cancer needs can change, depending on factors including what stage they are at with their treatment, whether they have any side effects of the treatment and how they are feeling emotionally.
Everyone has different needs and here are some tips from CoppaFeel! and The Eve Appeal on how you can support someone going through a cancer diagnosis or treatment:
- Remember that people react to being diagnosed with cancer in different ways. You can support someone by providing a non-judgemental, safe space for them to express how they are feeling. You don’t always need to fix things – just listen and let them know you are there for/with them.
- Don't ask, just do! Cook that meal, bake those biscuits, send that card, sign them up for subscriptions - don’t wait for them to ask you to.
- It can be hard for people to do 'normal' things when they are going through treatment such as cleaning their house, picking kids up from school, cooking a meal etc so think of ways you can help or help them to still do these things to give them that sense of normality.
- Don’t disappear - it can be hard to know what to say for fear of saying the wrong thing but just being there can sometimes be enough. You don’t have to have the answers! Keep spending time together doing things that are enjoyable. Remember it is ok to still have a laugh or to do fun things!
- Ensure that you talk about things other than cancer and treatment. It can be nice to have a distraction and not just feel like a cancer patient. You can still share aspects of your life - sometimes the distraction of the norm is a break from constantly thinking about a diagnosis or treatment.
- Donate blood (if you can) to show you are embracing your health and proactively helping others where you can.
- Continue to make plans. Whether it’s for a weekend away or a night in on the sofa; planning nice things to look forward to is important for everyone.
- Be flexible. Going through treatment can have lots of ups and downs and sometimes plans need to change. Reassure your friend or loved one that this is ok.
- Help them to find a community - having people to check in with and share similar experiences is also really important and helps with feelings of isolation.
- Help their partners, family or loved ones to find support as they too might be feeling overwhelmed, overly responsible or just needing to share their experience.
- Remember to look after yourself as well. You are not the only source of support – the person with cancer may have other friends or family that can help, or they can access other services.
CoppaFeel!’s work is centred around awareness raising and education and therefore, they don’t provide formalised support groups for those going through treatment. However, CoppaFeel!’s community, educational materials, volunteering opportunities, treks and fundraising opportunities, together with their genuine commitment to those who have reached out following an experience with breast cancer or simply to learn more about breast cancer, can provide friendship, purpose, reassurance and empowerment throughout a cancer journey.
A key element of empowerment following a cancer diagnosis could be supporting your loved one to still do the things that are important to them, and it’s a good time to be proactive with your own health..
- Read breast cancer charities websites to learn more about their diagnosis and what side effects they may have. It can be hard for someone going through treatment to have to explain themselves.
- Let them know about CoppaFeel!’s volunteer programmee and how they can sign up when they’re feeling better to share their story. CoppaFeel's volunteers educate people about the importance of getting to know your normal now and making it a lifelong habit, inspiring others to think differently about their lives and bodies.
- Sign up for a monthly text reminders sto check your chest, so they know their experience is serving a positive purpose in other people’s lives.
Head to the CoppaFeel! Website, and specifically their info and advice page to find out more about being breast aware.
The below organisations would be able to help with the more practical or health related breast cancer support available:
Trekstock Future Dreams @secondary.sisters Breast Cancer Now Macmillan Cancer Support Shine Cancer Support Breast Cancer Haven Maggie’s Centres Alike OUTpatients
Being told that someone close to you has a gynaecological cancer can come as a shock and leave you with questions and anxieties about what the future may hold. But, your care and support can make all the difference to them as they go through this difficult time.
The Eve Appeal has given some meaningful ways to offer support to someone who has been diagnosed with a gynaecological cancer, in addition to those mentioned above:
-Tell them about Ask Eve: A cancer diagnosis can be life-changing, and having somewhere to go for advice and information can make a big difference. Their helpline is staffed with nurses who will be able to answer any of the questions that they may have about their diagnosis, treatment and living with and beyond cancer.
-Understand that everyone copes differently: Some may want to discuss their diagnosis openly, while others may prefer to process their feelings more privately. They may want to share their thoughts or feelings with someone they trust, or they may want to spend some time with their friends to keep their mind off things. Offer support while respecting their boundaries, allowing them to guide the conversation.If needed, direct them to counselling services or helplines like Macmillan Cancer Support and Maggies.
-If they feel comfortable, offer to join them at medical appointments: : our presence can help provide reassurance and emotional support. There’s often a lot of information at appointments, and it can be difficult for people to remember everything, especially if it’s following some bad news. Going with them and being there to take notes, remembering what was said and making sure they get a chance to ask all of the questions they have can be very helpful.
-Talk and ask questions: : Gynaecological issues are often seen as taboo. Being open to discussing them without feeling embarrassed will help. Remember that body language can be just as important as verbal communication. Having open body language and eye contact will make all the difference in showing you are comfortable talking to them about what they are going through.
-The Eve Appeal is dedicated to funding research, raising awareness, and providing education for the prevention and earlier diagnosis of gynaecological cancers. We have lots of information and resources on the five gynae cancers on our website- eveappeal.org.uk. We regularly take on challenges – from sporting events to bake-offs and brunches – to raise funds to help make gynaecological cancers diseases of the past.
You can find help and support from the below organisations:
Ask Eve Macmillan Cancer Support Ovarian Cancer Action Ovacome
We hope that we and our inspiring charity partners have provided some helpful ideas and advice on how to provide support to someone you know with cancer as well as practical tips to empower and educate yourself this World Kindness Day. For further information visit CoppaFeel, The Eve Appeal or learn more about breast cancer by reading our Lets Talk Boobs blog.